The first was my Great Grandmother's when I was 12 who died at 98 years old. The second was a friend who died tragically in his 50's while I was in college. The third was my husband's Grandpa's who died in his early 90's.
With all three I experienced grief & a sense of loss but it didn't linger long. I think it's because the death of my Great Grandmother & Philip's grandfather were easily rationalized with their age. When Keith passed away I felt like an outsider because he wasn't family. With all 3 I was able to distance myself, almost as if I was a spectator.
The fourth funeral I attended was my Father in law's this past Friday, January 6, 2012. Wednesday evening at the young age of 63 his battle with Parkinson's Disease & Dementia ended.
His funeral was the most beautiful commemorative, uplifting & joyous services (not just funeral) that I've ever seen & it was done by his sons. I have never been so proud of my brother in law & husband. Because of their Dad they were able to do it & I know he is proud.
My father in law, Michael P. Tabor (Mick), was a wonderful, loving, kind, gentle, compassionate, strong, faithful, determined, intelligent, loyal man of God. He had the greatest smile & would laugh at just about anything...even in the midst of every trial he was physically & emotionally faced with.
Because of his faith there is no question he is in Heaven so the finality I have previous associated with funerals doesn't really resonate. The sense of loss is greater than anything else I've ever experienced because Philip will no longer have his dad, Addison will never know her Grandpa, my Mother in law no longer has her husband & we will no longer see his smile. With all the sadness I am quickly reminded that he isn't suffering anymore & he has his reward. His blameless life was lived exactly for this. It was said countless times throughout the week, even before he passed away, "he fought the good fight" & that he did.
I sat down to write about his struggle in the beginning of last week & had no words. I thought, should I blog about him being diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease at the age of 31? Should I talk about his selflessness & willingness to follow God's call? Should I write about the strength & unfailing commitment of my Mother in law as she has stood strong by his side throughout the entire disease process? Should I tell people that for the last year it's felt like we had already lost him as we watched his life slowly get robbed by Dementia? Should I tell people that he was confined to a bed for the last several months? Or about how gut wrenching the physical struggle he endured this past week before passing.
I don't think he would want any of that to be the words I'd write about him. I don't think he'd want me to reiterate the things said at his funeral.
I think he'd want me to blog just that I loved him & will miss him.
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