Mom vs Mom

I was reading my newsfeed on Facebook this morning and a topic I have wanted to blog about for quite some time was starring me right in my face. Competitive Parenting.

My friend Emilee posted :

"Absolutely disgusted at the amount of judgement that occurs from Mothers to Mothers. Seriously people - raise a happy, healthy kid no matter how you see fit - breast milk or formula, attachment or baby wise, baby led weaning or purées, vaccinate or not. Just remember the first time you judge someone else, what are you really teaching your kids??? I promise your example on how you treat others will make a bigger impact on the type of character they grow up to have than when they started eating solid foods."

Comment after comment people shared their own experiences being judged by other mothers.

We've all experienced it (we might even do it ourselves); judgement on whether or not we formula feed or breastfeed, judgment on schedules/routines, when foods are introduced, how foods are introduced, disposable/cloth diapers, co-sleeping, organic/non-organic…the list is endless.

Why do we do that? Why do we criticize one another instead of supporting each other? Being a mom, a new one at that, is emotional, terrifying, confusing & overwhelming as it is. Oh & don't forget about the insecurity we experience, worrying if the job we are doing is good enough. We are on a quest to find balance in a world of constant change.  The bottom line is that through this endless change we learn to adapt to what works best for our individual families. We have our own methods to try an keep a symbiotic balance.  Just because something worked in your household doesn't mean it will work in mine. We are all doing the best we can. Parenting is hard and complicated. We shouldn't make it even harder by clouding it with guilt & judgement. While we are fortunate to have thousands of parenting philosophies at our finger tips (websites, blogs, books) we sometimes become so fixated on a particular method that we start looking down on people who do things differently.

I think sometimes we do it inadvertently. We analyze other mothers, comparing ourselves to them, and then we judge…ourselves. We question whether we live up to the "standards" & we get defensive. We justify our methods while attacking someone else's. I think the root is derived from competitiveness and jealousy.

The next time you find yourself judging another mother, look at the real emotion behind why you are judging them.