patience

holy emotions!?!  one minute i am all smiles, completely content with knowing Addison is nestled away inside of me because she isn't ready & the next i am fighting back tears because i am ready, physically & emotionally. i was reminded by a co-worker yesterday that Addison is still right on time, it's still 5 days before her due date & 8 before september 1st, the very first due date i was given when my HCG level came back positive...she isn't even late. with every gasp of "she's still in there", "you still haven't had that baby", "we told you first time babies always come late", "you look like you are going to pop", "aren't you ready for that baby to come out", i have to bite my tongue, take a deep breath & smile, saying "she isn't ready yet...it isn't her time." i am really thankful for being reminded that she isn't even late. 

i find myself asking God to take hold of my emotions & tell Him that i am surrendering this completely to Him & 5 minutes later have a pessimistic attitude thinking she is never going to come, working myself up thinking "what if i have to be induced".  i am totally surrendering the anxiety & fear today though. i don't want to remember my last week of pregnancy having a miserable attitude, it's bad enough that i am so uncomfortable physically. i need to embrace this period of anticipation because it is something philip & i sought after for 3 years...we should be anticipating the birth of our daughter because we never even thought this moment would be possible. wow, how ungrateful i feel. 

i get daily scripture verses emailed to me & lately they have been getting turfed to my spam folder for some reason.  this morning as i was emptying my spam folder i noticed i had 2 emails that i had missed over the weekend & one of them was Romans 12:12  "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

i also read this, "Patience is not passive; on the contrary, it is active; it is concentrated strength. " Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton. 

i have to choose to be patient & i am choosing that today.