life is good

my mantra the next couple of days is: life is good...God is in control.

i had a doctor's appointment yesterday & although Dr. Grey didn't say "you are in labor, go to L&D" like i secretly hoped she would, she was extremely encouraging & definitely boosted my mood. the entire appointment was positive. i went from 1 cm to 2 cm since my last visit, not a ton of progress but any progress is good.  obviously there were no changes in effacement because i am already 100% & addison is still comfy at 0 station.  she stripped my membranes, after telling me she was the best at it, "they don't call me the stripper for nothing". she also said that usually people who benefit from it are women who's body's & babies are ready. she said there isn't any way to predict when i will go into labor but i have read that most people go into labor within 48 hours.  while we are still optimistic that induction won't be necessary, she got us on the books for THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 8TH.  i opted not to go back to get checked on Friday of this week so if i haven't had addison by then, my next doctor's appointment is Tuesday September 6th...really really really hopeful addison will be here before that. i have had the most intense contractions i've ever had since she did it & have seen some other changes so i am hoping those are positive signs. 

 my belly has changed quite a bit over the last 2 weeks. philip wasn't around to take any pictures yesterday so i tried my best to get a few decent 40 week 1 day belly shots using my iphone & bathroom mirror. 

 
i am waiting to do my 40 week journal post to addison until i am at the end of 40 weeks, as i am hopeful she will be here soon. 




okay, so now i have to vent.....


i feel gargantuan & have developed a slight waddle because of the pressure from addison's head. needless to say, i am not feeling very "cute" pregnant anymore. clearly i am emotional because the reason that i feel like a walrus is because i am still pregnant & i want my sweet baby girl to be in my arms, not my belly. 
i actually had a male from my church point his finger & laugh at me on sunday evening while making a comment to people around him about how "big" i am. it took everything inside of me not to respond, i just smiled & acknowledged that i heard what he said & intentionally waddled to my seat. 


i sort of feel trapped because everywhere i go, i run into people that know me & know my due date was monday. apparently people feel like it is necessary to tell me, as if i don't already know, that i am still pregnant.  "you still haven't had that baby yet?", "when are you going to pop that baby out", "when is she coming?", "when are they inducing you"...i just smile & say not sure when i really want to say "does it look like i had the baby? why don't you ask her when she is coming because i would also like to know." 

i am also finding that people are getting some type of amusement in the fact that i am a couple days past my due date & despite knowing how uncomfortable i am physically they say "you are probably going to be 10 days late." "they must have had your due date wrong."  UM HELLO PEOPLE, WE DID IUI. I AM PRETTY SURE I KNOW WHICH DAY THE NURSE INSEMINATED ME! 

then there is everyone else, even complete strangers, that want to tell me how to induce my own labor...oy vey!?!? 

there is women at our church who i completely adore & know i can go to about anything because she is truly a women of God. she is somebody whose advice is welcomed & sought after. i know when i talk to her it's in complete confidence & trust her with anything. she doesn't speak to hear herself talk, she speaks out of wisdom & direction from God. what a prayer warrior she is...when she says she will pray for you...she PRAYS for you. she prayed us through the battle with infertility, through this pregnancy & i have no doubt that she is praying for us now.  for the past 24 hours i have heard her soft voice of wisdom & love in my head telling me "God didn't give us a spirit of fear...", "be anxious for nothing...", "the Lord is my Shepard...", "God has a plan, he is in control"